my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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