i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize