yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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