let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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