I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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