he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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