We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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