whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize