onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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