I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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