Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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