tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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