she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize