just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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