dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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