Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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