I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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