weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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