yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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