I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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