then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
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She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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