I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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