Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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