dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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