she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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