Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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