I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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