Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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