woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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