Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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