note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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