I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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