not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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