The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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