Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize