Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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