Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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