Dude my mom stole all your condoms
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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