where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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