i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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