i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize