a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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