Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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