just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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