He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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