I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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