i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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