I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I believe in your delicious
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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