and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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