What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
NoShamevember. You game?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize